George Lucas - Episode IV - No Hope
Quick Links: Rant in Our Forums - I watched empire last night whilst my girlfriend was out and it really brought home the utter stench of Menace and Clones. And although what went wrong with the new Star Wars films and Lucas him very self is a predictable topic it deserves some analysis. I am going to vent my feelings, and I hope I will get some feedback on how you feel about this topic. We can all think of it as therapy for that beardy twat ruining our shit. Before we begin lets not forget the love people have for these films, the feeling of trepidation in the air whilst Phantom Menace started rolling, a new hope when Attack of the Clones started. People see beyond half, one, maybe even two bad films but will they see beyond the third in this poor mans star wars trilogy? Lets try and decide what went wrong, what is the problem with Menace and Clones. How did this epigone Lucas come about or was he never that great to begin with? This is what we do know: The Phantom Menace is a joke! I was one of the many people that defended it,tried real hard to like it and empathize with Lucas over what a hard film it was to make etc but bollocks to that. It's weak, very very weak. Poor acting, confused plot, rubbish new ideas like the metaclorians being small beings that are in our bloodstream that control the force. Overexplaining things and destroying the mystery. The confused spiritality of it all, with the virgin born, supposedly chosen one Anakin who we know to be a hyper barstard in later life, its not like Jesus had a bad spell when he destroyed planets and used miracles to choke people who let him down. Lucas has plucked small ideas from other films, religions and allsorts of junk and thrown them in the melting pot with no coherance between the parts. And good god what are those fucking soldier robots in the phantom menace with this "roger roger" bullshit. We want cool gleaming stormtroopers who cant shoot for shit please not desk lamps with guns. Clones, oh clones... The last great hope of many a star wars fan. Well, was it as bad as menace? No. Was it totaly shitty? No. Did the problems with Menace dog this movie? Yep. Essentially, the same deal, wooden acting with a muddled story. This film more than menace highlights the problems in this trilogy. Lucas has completely lost any sense of creativity. The man, the innovator, the creator of Star Wars George Lucas now has to borrow the opening chase scene from Blade Runner and the finale is Gladiator on steroids. Another failing here is the chosen actor for Anakin, they scoured the world and this is the best they could find? That little brat is the evil lord Darth Vader, are you having a laugh? That little punk, I would dry slap his punk ass in a second, lightsaber or not. Little bitch, “judge me by my wimpyness would you, hmmmm” , good god I cant contain my rage! Anger leads to hate blah blah, Anakin just wants his mommy or his dummy. And as for his thing with Padme that’s just a front for his blatant robo-homo fantasies, he’s being bent over by one of those shite soldier robots from episode one and squeeling like a pig. I don’t know whether to criticise Anakin’s shite acting as Lucas seems capable of squeezing wooden performances out of such great actors as Cristopher Lee, Ewen McGreggor and Liam Neeson so why wouldn’t he do the same here? Maybe he just didn’t have to make such an effort with Anakin. These films as bad as they may be represent an undeniable achievement, not just anyone could take so much money, a great cast, the best special effects company in the world and the richest, most developed movie universe in the history of film making and churn out something so soulless and embarrassing. Overall I think Lucas had some great ideas with the original Star Wars and pulled of a career best. He then let other minds in to direct and help him shape the trilogy. In the originals there were great characters and relationships and some genuine suprises. What if any collusion exists between episode 1 and 2? There is no suspense about whether Anakin will get in Padme’s knickers like there was with Han and Leia. We have not even got a good old baddy to wreak havoc throughout the trilogy. Remember, "hokey religions and ancient magic’s are no match for a good blaster at your side kid" - which I think pretty much sums up the difference between the classic trilogy and the toy franchise follow up’s. i think the overall feeling for those of who grew up with the originals is that Lucas has decided to PISS ALL OVER MY CHILDHOOD...thanks , like going to a hypnotist and finding some long forgotten buried memory that yr mother used to dress you as a girl. , ahhh shit lets be honest i think if we dig deep down into our hearts some of us were suspecting something might be rotten in the state of Lucas when he put the ewoks into Jedi but we let it slide. theres a fairly famous quote from Harrison Ford about the script for Star Wars - "you can type this shit George but you sure cant speak it". well how about " you can digitally enhance this shit George but you sure cant watch it". no amount of polishing stops a turd from being a turd. Take yr merchandise and yr fucking industrial shite and tragic and ram it into yr exhaust port Lucas.
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