50 Cent - Get Rich or Die Tryin'
Quick Links: Rant in Our Forums - 50 Cent was shot for the first time when he was still in the womb. His Momma even tried to kill him – before he was born! But they couldn’t keep him down. After his Daddy raped his Momma, she went to a backstreet abortionist who, after anaesthetising her with the butt of his Glock shot her two times in the pussy. She died, but Fifty Cent climbed out of his Momma’s pussy and shot the abortionist with his own Nine. Word is bond. Then he got his first tattoo, signifying that he had killed a man, an abortionist to be precise. Not only did 50 Cent strike a blow for he black man that day. He struck a blow for unwanted embryos everywhere. And also Jesus. 50 Cent is a religious man but he will also kill you. With his bare hands if needs be, or even his gold teeth. 50 Cent works out because when he was a young punk on the streets of the ghetto selling ‘rock’ to ‘ho’s’ and rich white folks, he was skinny and he used to get beat up by his Daddy – who was a ho. His Daddy the ho even shot 50 Cent once so 50 Cent worked out until he was strong. Then he shot his Daddy the ho…two times. Then he got a tattoo signifying that he had shot and killed his own Daddy. It said ‘I shot my own Daddy two times’. Then he did his first ‘time’ in the ‘pen’. Word. 50 Cent didn’t even go to Joovy. He went straight to the ‘pen’. When he was five. While 50 Cent was in Joovy he met Eminem for the first time and made him his bitch but because Eminem gave such quality ‘head’, 50 also taught him how to ‘rap’. They used to do duets and battles together for the older prisoners, one of whom was Dr Dre who noticed their talents early on but then he got parole and started NWA with Ice Cube, Ren and Eazy-E. Ice Cube and Eazy-E had also met in Joovy years earlier. They were such good friends, they killed each others Daddy’s: even though they didn’t even know who their Daddys were! Soon afterwards, NWA and a rival ‘gangsta’ rap group, ‘The Geto Boyz’ declared very public war on each other with the raps, ‘You MY Bitch!’ (NWA) and ‘No, YOU my Bitch!’ (Geto Boyz). This caused a rift in the 50 Cent/Eminem collaboration act because they both had tattoos, ‘M’ had The Geto Boyz and ‘50’ had NWA but they healed the rift soon after they got out of the ‘pen’ by shooting each other to show their ‘bond 4 life’. Word. For a long time after that though they both more or less stopped rapping. Eminem settled down for a while to have a wife and child and a family about whom he would write mean things and revolutionise ‘white-boy-rap’ when they were divorced years later whereas 50 Cent embarked on a life of crime. 50, having developed his muscles and gotten lots of tattoos and bullet wounds was a natural born ‘thug’. He got a ‘J-O-B’ as a bouncer in a club where lots of rappers went in Compton (da ghetto!) and so made the most, not only of the opportunity to showcase his skills, “ya can’t get in if ya name aint on the list But maybe later I can make you my bitch”, but also to get shot by well-known rappers in order to build his ‘rep’. In the rap game, your ‘rep’ is built on tattoos, muscles and getting shot and surviving it, especially by other famous rappers. Except if you’re a producer like Dr Dre. Your ability to actually rap is not that important really. As long as you say the things you are supposed to like, ‘I got shot’, ‘I have tattoos’, ‘I have muscles’ or ‘You MY bitch’, (which is the ultimate ‘dis’), or you can rap either too fast or mumble indecipherably and simply show off your tattoos, muscles and bullet wounds by wearing a vest with a fur coat. Not anyone can be a rapper though. Its not just a matter of tattoos, muscles and bullet wounds. You also have to consider ‘The Elements’ like graffiti and shit. Word. But yo – I aint giving you no lecture on hip hop. This is ‘The Adventures of 50 Cent In The Ghetto’. Let me tell you the story of how 50 Cent lost his virginity. 50 Cent, who technically was born without his virginity because he blew his first load in his own Momma as an infant when he was so ‘amped’ by shooting the abortionist who tried to kill him with his own Nine, still fondly recalls the first woman he made ‘Love’ to. No, not Eminem in the ‘pen’. The first woman! Naturally, she was a ‘ho’. His Daddy arranged it, him being in the game (on the game) himself so 50 got a discount and on the day he left the ‘pen’, his Daddy the ho who he had shot two times but who still didn’t die hooked him up. Unfortunately though, despite the discount, she was an ugly, hairy ho and she might have had a dick. There were rumours that the ho was actually 50’s Daddy the ho but they weren’t true. At least they weren’t ever spoken of again. 50 Cent shot the ho who started them. That was his Daddy the ho too. It seems that getting shot and surviving it runs in the ‘Cent’ family. 50’s Daddy’s first name was ‘Aint got no’ which was a clever play on words because not only was he dumb as fuck but he was skint too which is part of the reason why 50 decided to ‘Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Word. Naturally 50 got a tattoo to commemorate the event. One of his earliest raps also captures the feelings he must have felt around that time, “I popped my cherry in the coochie of a ho And my Daddy was a ho so I shot him cuz you know He was saying shit about me that I didn’t wanna hear. If I had’ve fucked my Daddy then I would have been a queer”. Deep, man. I think you can really feel 50’s pain in these lines but he aint no bitch so obviously he aint gonna cry about it. Word. He went out and got shot to commemorate the event. The he survived cos he’s a survivor like Destiny’s Child. 50 Cent before he became a successful rapper once auditioned for Destiny’s Child but was rejected as it was feared his talent and natural charisma would have eclipsed Beyonce… …which is the perfect segue… Next week on hip-hop focus: Just how did Beyonce get that ‘Phat Booty’?
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