It’s election time.
I could sit here and waste my time typing ineptly into the ether and raging about all sorts of nonsense, but we now have the “blogosphere”, where everyone is an “off kilter commentator on the mores of modern society”
Hilarious types with their satirical You tube videos or their simply priceless Tweets about the leaders debate, where they just spot things no-one else possibly could and then mention it in 140 characters and change the world for the better.
Isn’t that the beauty of the new improved internet, it’s truly for everyone, it encourages the swelling of pride and the belief that your opinion counts.. Your opinion matters, you can change things with a perfectly crafted reply to a Tweetdeck witticism by Armando Iannucci
The newspapers can talk about the “you-tube” election and how “face-book wot won it”
We can all jig giddy with delight and send messages via our fucking blackberry about…”.being on the train and about five minutes away…Zara had an abortion you know”
However your average polling station is still a draughty school hall with chipped olive tables and a handful of cold looking people seeming confused as they fiddle with flasks of luke warm tea.
One of the things that is going to be hand in hand with the return of this website is a massive amount of rampant hypocrisy and a disturbing unavoidable tone that,because we did this all five years ago, we now sound like your Granddad blithering on about the old days.
It’s a tough one, and from time to time I shall attempt to address it, but most of the time I won’t, because you are wrong so fuck you into a cocked hat.
So…
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Reasons people have mentioned to me in the last week they are voting Conservative – (or how you stopped thinking and are a cunt)
Gordon Brown wasn’t elected.
No, no he wasn’t, but if you had paid the slightest, and I mean the slightest notice to party political activities in this country in the last five years, I mean before there was a massive worldwide economic crash and all of a sudden every dicksplash in the pub lost a few quid and thus decided he was Jeremy Paxman, then you would have noticed that the handover to Brown was set in stone years ago.
But that he was fucked in the arse by a steam powered glove full of quick set cement by Blair, who kept him dangling for years and then let him take over once the vapid war criminal got a scent of blood in the water.
This was going to happen…you were too busy being a twat to notice.
By the way..it’s not unprecedented…John Major was Prime minister before anyone elected him and you were still drowsy enough to not give a shit about that because Facebook didn’t exist and the Newspapers weren’t so strapped for stories that they felt the need to ask idiots what their opinions were all the time and give them credence.
We need to bloody the nose of the Government over Expenses.
Sit down..shut up, you are being led around by the big toe by the tabloids, you gibbering imbecile.
There is no point getting snippy about it, Sleaze, corruption and general atavistic behaviour are rife, you know why?
Because these people are in positions of power..this is not new, you barely wheezing moron, getting on your high horse about one particular bit is as pointless as having a bit of a hissy because Profumo wasn’t all that as a husband.
No-one can argue it’s right…but let’s be adult about it and not screech around the playground whining about how unfair it is….because if you have ever parked in a disabled spot, failed to admit your council tax responsibilities because your bucktoothed girlfriend moved in, as it was a shorter commute or you ever put in a dodgy receipt for that Pizza Express business meeting..you have done the same.
I’m not too chuffed that some tweed wearing fiasco got a few grand to clean his moat, but I’m not going to get hysterical about it, or become a ludicrously pompous self righteous arsehole and stamp my foot ineffectually and waste my one vote on a fit of petulance.
Might as well vote for the “yes I’m allowed to paint my bedroom walls black” party and have done.
Lets find out why our social service workers are so disillusioned with their pay and conditions that infants get battered to death and spend a little less time pontificating second hand over dinner about things we got off “Have I got news for you”.
Where my Taxes go -
A fantasy island argument that you have no way of possibly knowing.
I don’t drive, frankly this makes me a better person than you because I never ever bore the shit out of someone by giving them detailed directions to Dunstable via A-roads or ever sucking the joy out of a room by mentioning miles per gallon statistics or how a new Saab has some “kick”.
Also I never watch Top gear, purchase car magazines in motor way service stations or buy Jeremy Clarksons books because I mistake his cryptoracist piss, for wit.
That’s me..you have to live with it.
However, I also don’t track every penny I pay in tax as it’s impossible and can therefore not pinpoint where it is spent, whether it be on potholes, immigrants, nice hats for council officials or moats for chancers.
None of us can, pay your taxes.
That’s part of your job, what isn’t part of your job is to then be instantly blindfolded by people with a tiresome agenda in the media and fall hook line and sinker for such notions as “my taxes pay for Ukranian people to eat Fabergé eggs in crystal houses full of joy”
No they don’t.
Your larky bigots say how immigrants come over here taking all the jobs, then you get some antiquated OAP misguidedly remarking how immigrants don’t want to work.
First off..daft racists…get your story straight.
Secondly..
It’s a newspaper headline in a newspaper with a history of wretched lying and bias.
How stupid are you?
Really, if you fall for these things how can you shit without help?
Hi..my name is George..I have been caught innumerable times lying and changing facts to apply to the agenda I have, I also make things up out of the clear blue sky and am well known for my bias and the gaudy incoherent tales I have about Lady Diana….by the way Polish immigrants took a kidney from an English child and they made it into a casserole.
REALLY GEORGE..that’s a disgrace…Eastern Europeans coming over here stealing the organs from our children..it’s a….
Oh by the way I was making that up to get you to listen to me..but I will deny this in really small print on page 5
Oh..OK
However..SKITTLES GIVE YOU CANCER AND THEY WERE INVENTED BY POLISH PEOPLE TO CAUSE HOUSE PRICES TO CRASH INTO PRINCESS DIANA…
REALLY GEORGE..that’s a disgrace…
You people deserve all you get.
Your taxes go the same place everyone else’s go..fuck knows, but if you don’t pay them, you go to prison unless you are a football club or obscenely rich, and you don’t even notice them because they aren’t in your nett pay, so stop whining and pretending you are some kind of socio-economic analyst.
It’s time for a change
And this is the end game.
It’s going to happen, Nick Clegg had a brief moment in the sun, but looking good between a smug upper class Tory tit and a punch drunk Scot Prime minister who seemed to have forgotten what day it was, is hardly an achievement.
He’s the leader of the Lib-dems, their previous champions include a squinty eyed adulterer who wore khaki and seemingly worshipped at the altar of Lewis Collins in “Who Dares Wins”, a ginger erratic alcoholic with a good sense of humour but no notion of where his shoes were and a man in his late nineties named after a character in Flash Gordon
The bar isn’t that high.
I Love the Lib-dems and I am sure this election is the one in which they have really enjoyed the patronising notion that the little Lib-Dem that could..finally did..but they wont.
Yet it’s time to change..look what Labour have done to the economy.
Yes look…you may have noticed the single biggest worldwide economic disaster since 1929.
That will be worldwide..
I assume if you are reading this you are firstly..getting a bit sick of me, and rightly so, but secondly, you have internet access, you will notice how you are not scrabbling around for food in a landfill or busy contracting diphtheria.
Of course the fact that the couple next door haven’t trimmed their borders is absolutely vital, but you will notice that despite a worldwide economic crash, you still have a roof over your head, of course your cousin Diane is struggling because she lived her entire life on credit, that will be money she never had to begin with, that was somewhat troublesome once a worldwide economic crash occurred….her being essentially a thief and everything.
You know who I blame..Labour.
This is what will help, let’s vote in a smarmy vapid dipshit who backs a swathe of right wing policies to encourage tax breaks for Phil Collins and footballers and has absolutely no experience in the job involved.
Let us forget about society and anyone else, let’s focus on why I should be better off and why single mothers should be punished for the pitiless gash between their legs that led to feral offspring who keyed my car.
Let’s elect a party with a historical track record of gleefully shitting on working people in order to encourage the success of free market individuals who were recently responsible in a large part for the world wide economic crash because no-one could police them.
Let’s send to vastly historical forthcoming international conferences, a man who has no chin, no gravitas who represents a party that despises social justice and actively encourages the sacrificing of infants to a nameless elder god…just because his wife is “pretty”
Oh what the hell.
Bit off topic and one or two of the facts might be dicey, but it works for the Daily Mail.
I’d say Vote labour….
Gordon is not the best, the cabinet contain many many disasters..but it’s your society…
But you people don’t even know what’s good for you.
You must leave now, take what you need, you think will last
But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast
Couldn’t agree more. The other thing that annoys me about the ‘we never voted Gordon in’ argument is that, unlike America, in the UK we vote for the party, not it’s leader. I know we’ve bent over to America to the extet that we really are now desperate to become the 51st State, a feeling clearly not reciprocated by our ‘cousins’ over the water. I find Cameron’s grasping at Obama’s coat tails by his re-branding of the Conservatives as ‘the party for change’ vomit-inducing. I also dry-heaved at Cameron’s plea to vote for his party for ‘the children who grow up in homes where no-one works, and haven’t worked for generations’. Erm, Dave? Let’s just trace those generations back shall we and see how far we get and whose fault it really was for decimating the British working classes…
Whereas I do agree with quite a bit of what was said here, there is something that does worry me.
The possibility that the majority of people could vote against both the party and the PM and still get them on Friday. That is hardly a cause for celebration and more one for shame.
Certainly an argument for PR I would think.
The main problem with David Cameron is he is so damn smug. The bullshit word “change” means nothing to him. The Tories have not changed, but the situation for all of us certainly will. I know many, many working class people who have voted Tory because the media purchased their vote. They have no clue. These idiotic Sun readers can go to bed tonight knowing they have just voted away their family tax credits, pensions and the economy to a bunch of wealthy, selfish cunts who will tax these muppets and the rest of us to prop up tax breaks for their buddies. I can’t wait to see Cameron at the UN dealing with the Middle East or Irans nukes. We’ll be a fucking laughing stock!
One other thing… that old codger who you’ve used as the pic to this story. That incident was a load of bollocks about nothing.
The PM was miked up in the privacy of his car. You can’t kid me that Clegg or Cameron have never said anything like that about us peasants in private. What a lot of crap. I see she wasn’t moaning about the improved NHS care for the elderly or the topped up pension she’s been getting under New Labour or her winter fuel allowance. Silly old bitch will be pulling that shocked face when she ends up £20 a week now as she lays with a broken hip in a dirty hospital corridor waiting for months for the corrective operation. You should have spoken out in support of Brown old woman and kept your ideas on immigrants to yourself.
Indeed, like we’ve had a fabulous NHS under New Labour these past 13 years, we really have. There’s no horror stories at all about waiting months for operations, being left in a corridor for a week due to not enough beds…with a fucking ward closed down to save cash in another part of the hospital. And this is a personal story so don’t give me your Sun bullshit
No Porridge, i wouldn’t argue that at all, because as you say that’s a personal argument and if we wish to laser in on individual gripes and blame them on a large institution such as the government one would have to seem somewhat self obsessed and essentially paranoid.
I mean i can personally point out exactly the same kind of waiting times and ludicrous hospital experiences that saw my loved ones die in lieu of proper health care both now and in the Tory years.
I can also in good faith, talk about entire families of my experience who lost all their rights and were rendered mostly derelict when the last Conservative government ripped the fucking heart and soul out of the unions as well.
I Have lived in places that were torn to pieces by heavy handed conservative policies that were designed to hinder this country but encourage free market middle class arseholes.
See that’s the point.
It’s not about you or yours..or me or mine..vote that way and you are betraying everything that you should stand for as a person in a democracy.
It’s about attempting to build a society that’s better for as many as we can make it, regardless of tax breaks and spending cuts.
Personally I believe you don’t vote based on what “you might get”, you should vote for the greater good.
Call me a hippy..I don’t care..
No-one with any sense, certainly not me, wants to hear of anyone suffering in anyway, but your argument is built on something unfortunate that happened to you.
Frankly..that’s you giving it the Sun bullshit more than I eh?
Obviously..if you weren’t talking to me..
I’ll shut up then shall I?
Bloody drink…makes you do all sorts.
It was actually in response to Swervy
But good points well made, you fucking hippy!
And I’m not paranoid, it’s just all the Labour Big Brother watching me 24/7
Blimey, new government even if the Lib Whores did climb into bed with Dave “I’m cool me” Cameron, new front page.
A new beginning. A new dawn. For the mighty JRI I hasten to add.
But not for the country, Murdoch’s mouthpiece will no doubt give some sops to Clegg to buy his allegiance to get his feet into No 10. Voting reform Mr Clegg? Less drastic cuts? 1 or 2 places in the cabinet? Yes they are on the agenda Nicky baby… Tell you what because we have so much to think about, we’ll let those trifles rest until… oh four to five years from now?
Sorry but anyone who believed that drivel that spouted from Clegg’s mouth about his bargaining shtick will be sorely disappointed. Anyone see that cartoon in private eye with Cam the messiah, the golden boy who will march forward and save Britain from itself presumably, holding a tea tray?
How prophetic, except the roles will be reversed.
One of the reasons that Brown got such a hard time from the press was because sadly, he WAS a politician. Bliar was just a grinning showman who whenever he appeared on camera I kept expecting to wave a magic wand and pull a bunch of flowers out of his pocket to give to a giggling tv reporter, completing the performance with spinning bow tie and tap dance routine. He kept on in power just long enough so Gordon would have to take the blame for Bliar’s legacy.
Did The Sun complain about the chronic shortage of equipment to the Army so viciously during Blair’s tenure? No. Remember this was one of The Sun’s primary reasons for switching allegiance to the Conservatives. The Sun also took great delight in reporting that Brown physically abused his staff, reports which it seems it has been curiously coy to follow up on.
Of course the fact that Cameron’s top pr man, Andy Coulson, (former editor of Bizzare, The Sun and main editor of the News Of The World) jumped ship onto Camerons crew just before he due to be called up to defend himself and his paper in an employment tribunal over,, yes you guessed it… bullying an employee over the phone tapping scandal therefore preventing himself from being called up due to some technical issue, remains entirely separate.
Now the public have voted in (just) Bliar MkII, his bellow of “the people voted for change” seems even more hollow than before.
But sadly, yes they voted for change. They kicked out a politician, and they voted in another shallow self absorbed camera trollop more concerned with appearance than anything else. That’s the only change that will happen.
The power now passed to Murdoch is going to be a real problem in time to come, people dismiss it with a laugh and a “it’s just TV” attitude.
It isn’t and it’s not going to be,but that’s down to others to realise I suspect.
When he has a total monopoly on sport and news,when they rip into the BBC and Channel 4, hopefully there will be enough channels that you won’t notice.
Brown should have stepped down a year ago, for no reason other than he wasn’t glib enough to win.
As you say, for all his faults he was a Politician,let’s not forget this man had a decade in actual day to day Governmental power, not press conferences or Hello spreads, he was a working cabinet minister.
He made huge mistakes and at times made good calls ,but he was a serious man, doing serious work…in the middle of a staggering global economic crisis he’s obviously not the man for the job, you will want some one who has essentially been playing Championship Chancellor on his PC for years to step in and deal with it.
On the upside, if we don’t win the world cup I’m in the short list to take over as I took Lincoln City to the FA cup final last week.
I would like to say that I can’t believe that there are people nowadays who still believe that voting makes a difference. However, I can believe it, as every day a fool is born.