Scenes from the life of Genghis Khan

[bazman]

1 - “EMPIRE”

Mongolia is a huge vast empty nothing and schlepping up into it and going "This is mine" is a bit like the family cat rubbing his scent all over everything but then he rocks up into all these little gatherings of Yurts and goes,

"im starting me own country - do you wanna be in it?"

dude goes, "what for?"

Genghis goes, "we're keeping the chinese out by being dead good at firing arrows whilst scarpering on a horse"

dude goes, "sounds pretty cool - do I have to do anything?"

Genghis goes, "have you got a horse?"

dude goes, "theres horses everywhere, man! Look around!"

Genghis goes, "can you fire an arrow?"

dude goes, "i live in a vast empty unforgiving plain in a canvas tent with me wife and the nippers and a sh1tload of horses and goats - how do you think I feed them all?

Genghis goes, "sweet dude! You're in"

dude goes, "sweet! what's your country called?"

Genghis goes, "dunno yet - something will hit me eventually - im looking for something that really captures the essence of our people and rouses patritotism and whatnot"

dude goes, "good luck with that - you want some goats milk?"



END

[bazman]

2 - “THE TAKING OF RUSSIA”

from the barren desert dust emerges at pace a tribe of animal-skin clothed horsemen with expressions of squinted concentration, their wild long hair flapping about in the cold Slavic air

Fat men and women (for they are indecipherable from each other) in wooden shoes holding pitchforks stare blankly at their approaching conquerors

The horsemens leader stops before them and says,

"I am Genghis Khan and I'm taking over"

Russian dude sez, "Whatever man, Moscows that way - you want some vodka? It's f*cking cold out"

END

[bazman]

3 - The Siege Of Vienna"

Through a mullioned window we see beautifully-dressed people dancing in a fabulously ornate room - they are all smiling and laughing but suddenly they stop

as the band winds down, the sound of a consistent chanting in the distance can be heard

"Your majesty! Your majesty!" a panicked voice rings out as a man in tights, pumps and a tailed coat and wig throws himself before the king who is if possible even more elegantly dressed than his subjects

His Majesty speaks, "what? what? what? what? whats all this shouting then?

the man looks up from the ground

"Trolls!, Your Majesty"

"TROLLS!!!" his Majesty says, "what trolls?" he adds, rolling his 'r' magnificently

"Trolls! At the gates, your Majesty! - they have lain siege to us!!", the man begins to cry pathetically

His Majesty walks to the mullioned windows and we are introduced to the scene outside of hundreds, if not thousands of dark-skinned men in animal skins and wild unkempt hair shaking bows in the air and shouting in the direction of the royal palace

"TEMUGEN!!! TEMUGEN!!! TEMUGEN!!! they roar


His Majesty turns away and says, "I wonder if they like dancing"

"Court composer" his Majesty says, "do trolls enjoy dancing?"

"Oh everyone enjoys dancing" says the court composer

"Quite right!" says his Majesty authoritatively, "have them send us an envoy and we shall ask them how they feel about dancing"

"Very well" says the court composer


END

[bazman]

4 - "The End of The Siege Of Vienna"


His Majesty sits in an enormous throne surrounded by courtiers,

"Send them in!" says His Majesty authoratitively

"Who, your Majesty?" says one of his courtiers

"Why the trolls of course! - have them send in their envoy!" says the king exasperatedly

"Ah..yes..well, it seems, your Majesty, the, erm, trolls have gone away, your Majesty sir" says the courtier

"Hm" says his Majesty, "how very unfortunate...I heard they were very fond of dancing"



END