Adverts that must FUCK OFF

[Barbara Conker]

Since when did adland care about something being illegal? They know the ASA is such a toothless tiger it's gums are red raw. By the time the ASA deigns to do something the advertiser or more likely it's agency has already moved onto other avenues. Or more likely it has picked up an award from it's adland peers.

[Valkyrie]

Croca de bin?

Croca de fridge?

Croc-a-de-shit!!

Stop being such a manky fucking toad and empty the god damned bin you lazy shite. If it whiffs a bit then maybe it's time you thought about washing the bin out ... you are familiar with the concept of washing aren't you? It's where you use very warm water, detergent and a bit of elbow grease* to remove unwanted stains, spills and smells from something.



(*available at any good hardware store)

[CAL19]

It's been a while since I last posted here but there are more adverts that are seriously pissing me off:

Dettol "No Touch" Soap System - What a load of absolute bollocks this stupid product is! They are saying that the soap pump is harboured with bacteria but haven't you ALREADY WASHED YOUR FUCKING HANDS after touching it for fuck sake?! This bullshit is screaming "SCAM" and I'm surprised that the ASA hasn't banned this complete LIE of an advert!

McDonalds - Every time I hear the words "passing by" uttered in this fucking annoying advert my urge to kill everyone in McDonalds' marketing department keeps rising! And this shit goes on for an ENTIRE FUCKING MINUTE!

Anything with a football shoved in it. I know the World Cup is in progress now but just putting a football in the ad isn't gonna make me want to use whatever shite product or service they are advertising. I'm especially talking about "We Buy Any Car" and "British Gas" adverts. And don't give me that bullshit about cheapest electricity supplier!

GO FUCKING COMPARE - I had heard that these bastards had got a new advert on the TV so I decided to search on YouTube to see how bad it is. Guess what, it's just as SHITE as all the other fucking annoying Go Compare ads. So now we have SIX versions of the fat opera twat singing "GO COMPAAAAAAAAARREE!" If you look at my avatar you can tell that I hate that twat!

We Buy Any Car - NO YOU FUCKING DON'T! They charge an admin fee of £49.95 - £79.95. So if you do get offered £50, then you'll be left with 5 FUCKING PENCE! From 50 quid to 100 grand? More like "from 5 pence to £99,920.05."

BT 118 500 - Complete fucking rip off for what they call a directory enquiry service. They charge 49p for the call and £1.16 PER FUCKING MINUTE! What the fuck?! That's already 65 fucking pence more than dialing those premium 09 numbers! Why would you bother calling these rip off merchants when you can do it online for FREE?! And if you did call for the number for your local takeaway then surely the call would cost MORE THAN THE FUCKING TAKEAWAY!

[Ms Scarlett]

That soap advert makes me laugh too. I mean, how fucking dirty could the soap dispenser bit possibly be? And anyway, surely immediately after using it, you WASH your hands so there really isn't a problem is there?!

It's like that advert for Toilet Duck or whatever. It bangs on in a really sinister way about the horrendous amount of germs lurking, ready to pounce up your bum or something, around the cage things that holds your toilet sanitiser. How fucking germ free does the inside of your toilet really need to be? Yes of course it's nice to have a clean toilet but does it really need to be completely sanitised? Last time I checked, the inside of your toilet is where you poop, pee and puke. It's decidely NOT where you eat your food off or prepare your food. So excuse me if I don't run screaming for the hills in terror at the thought that my toilet sanitiser might be harbouring a few germs.

[amysaurusrex]

BT adverts in general.
Can they please hurry up and get married, so that little girl can be a bridesmaid and no more wine will be wasted being spat on the floor.

[Rimjob]

BT adverts in general.
Can they please hurry up and get married, so that little girl can be a bridesmaid and no more wine will be wasted being spat on the floor.

This would be a mistake in revenue generation terms.

The last BT commercial should be when the police break into that lanky gormless fucks flat, just before the wedding, and find his severed head on the dining room table with a dessicated donkeys cock sticking out of his left ear. After further searching they find his torso in the freezer and all of his appendages lined out on the living room carpet to spell "HA HA HA"(probably not enough legs for that..)

...and then the voice over man says in a calm voice..."BT home hub is a pile of shit - and I'm representing the biggest shower of wank stains in the entire world. It's good to know that big business can curl one out on your forehead!".

I've missed my calling - advertising seems quite straight forward.

[CAL19]

Has anyone seen that advert for the Daily Mail free digital radio offer? That's got to be the biggest load of BOLLOCKS I've ever seen. Not only is the advert itself a pile of shite but if you look at the small print it says "collect 60 tokens" yes, SIXTY FUCKING TOKENS!! "Get a free digital radio worth £35." BULLSHIT! You've gotta buy 60 papers to get that radio. I don't know how much the Daily Mail is now but if it was say 50p (I think that's the price now) then the total cost would be £30. FREE MY ARSE! You might as well be saying "buy 60 of our shit papers and get £5 off a probably crap radio." Daily Mail? More like Daily FAIL!

[Fitzburger]

Maplin and the CO OP have the same scam. You get a reciept from Maplins saying £5 of your next purchase and in small print it turns out you have to spend £35 to get at it. With the CO OP its £4 and you need to spend at least £40.

Before I got an NEC I used to get bus tickets with £1.99 offers for Maccy D's but it was for basic crap and you had to get a "meal", most of which is minging. Even the crows in the car park didn't hang around for long.

[CAL19]

That bloody Volkswagen ad for the Golf is pissing me off so much! Some guy is putting up a billboard for this car and he does an "OMG" reaction as if to say that it can't be the price. He then calls someone telling them that the price can't be right and drives off. The billboard actually says "Golf, only £15,150." Next, the words "Unbelievable value" are printed on the screen. So, I got one question about this ad. How the hell is 15 FUCKING GRAND considered "unbelievable" value?! Besides the fucking car looks tiny and so does not look like it would be worth 15 grand. It looks more like one of those small £6,000 cars!

I'm also hating ALL of the Direct Line adverts. Not only do they still use Stephen Fry, Paul fucking Merton (don't get me wrong, I love him in "Have I Got News For You," just NOT in these ads) and now Gryff Rhys Jones (WHY?!) but the number of these ads that exist is just beyond a fucking JOKE! These are the ads I have seen so far:
1. Car insurance
2. Home insurance
3. Home insurance from water damage
4. Uninsured driver insurance
5. Pet insurance
6. Van insurance
7. Landlord insurance - why the fuck would I care?!
8. Tradesman insurance - again, why do I fucking CARE?!

That's 8 different ads from one company. Talk about EXCESSIVE and not to mention a waste of fucking MONEY!

[amysaurusrex]

The feet.
*taps nose*
It's the shoes!
*taps nose*
it's the feet!
*taps nose*

Fuck off.
Its your fungal infection.

[rosso]

I'm also hating ALL of the Direct Line adverts. Not only do they still use Stephen Fry, Paul fucking Merton (don't get me wrong, I love him in "Have I Got News For You," just NOT in these ads) and now Gryff Rhys Jones (WHY?!) but the number of these ads that exist is just beyond a fucking JOKE!

Actually, as far as I'm concerned, any adverts that feature the voice of a Professional comedian make me want to shit down their throats and gouge their eyes out.


Unless I already use the product/business, its a definite ban - and a boot in their blubbery, salivating face if I meet them in public.


They always know why

[summer of george]

Has anyone mentioned that fucking abomination where the woman is pretending to do a stand up routine about losing weight?

[CAL19]

That would be the Slim Fast advert. Yes, it is complete shite! In fact, all weight loss ads are shit!

Some more pissing me off:

The Sun - ARGH!! I hate it when adverts use KIDS! I don't want to see some little twat shouting at me telling me to buy that shit paper!

Sky Sports News - "...is going high definition." Yes, yes, I already know for like the 600,000th fucking time! STOP TELLING ME ABOUT IT EVERY 15 MINUTES!! Besides why would I care about a fucking news channel in HD?!

Fibre Plus - DO NOT give that woman a microphone EVER AGAIN! Why does she have to shout? It's a fucking MICROPHONE for crying out loud! I don't want to hear some bitch shouting about fibre!

Halifax - Even watching this ad without the sound is STILL HORRIBLE. You can see those pricks behaving like complete twats and jumping around the studio like idiots! FUCK OFF! These ads make me NEVER want to open an account with these cunts!

[rosso]

Top work and rage sir !


That Halifax advert has me pouring unleaded into milk bottles for a Molotov session too ..

[CAL19]

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, the new Milkybar ad is fucking horrible! Instead of the classic Milkybar Kid ads, we've now got a bunch of twats dressed up as the kid trying to act like him shouting "the Milkybars are on me!"
Nestle, what the fuck were you thinking when you came up with this shite?! Were they on crack or something?! Why change a perfectly good ad into something completely fucking SHIT?!