Cock of the year awards - The Nation Holds its Breath, Quietly Chokes, Idiots

It's that wonderful time of the year you have all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. A time when the glitterati come out in all their resplendent finery to attend the high profile bash of the summer.

Yes Its The Just Ram It Cock of the year awards. Where fuckwittery , idiocy and moronic behaviour of the highest stamp and kidney is rewarded with a cheap gold painted ornament.

This year has seen some highly sophisticated twat-hackery and as usual amongst the mouth breathing pond life speculation has been running high as to who will win what and who will leave with a foot jammed firmly in their arses.

But don't look elsewhere for spurious information. Right here we offer a full rundown of this years movers, shakers and window lickers , plus coming soon exclusive gossip from the backstage orgy of Bacchanalian delights and some poorly photo shopped pictures.

"the cock of the year awards are the most fun a man can have without a small rodent to hand"
Richard Gere - winner of Bumface pompous dolt 1998/99.

All this and you still won't contribute to the forum....peasants.


We will not rest , until after lunch at least

Last week we mentioned Roger Cook , well amazingly the Just Ram It mail bag
has been swamped with those who claim to have sighted the portly do gooder
all over England.

Clive from Bermondsey swears blind he saw Mr. Cook ordering a Lamb Bhuna in
the Taste of Bengal Last Saturday, yet his wife has left him for a gym
instructor , and a chunky female one at that. Can We trust him?

Meanwhile Mr.'s Maloney of Hubcap Avenue in Bootle Claims the rotund
Consumer champion reversed into her at B&Q last week , but does this explain
her worrying collection of Roy Orbison Memorabilia.

The answer is, of course not you fool.
But getting in the spirit we have employed Nathan , who claims to be Roger
Cook's Brother and also one of the founder members of Tight Fit.

Despite his speech defect , hunch and lack of basic motor skills Nathan has
filed this , the first of his hard-hitting topical reports.

All this and you still won't contribute to the forum....peasants.

Amazing Fraudulent Harry Potter Six Exclusive Wow , smash, bang, wallop what a scoop we have for you at Just Ram It. With the just released new Harry Potter book flying of the shelves faster than Colour televisions in an LA riot we are proud to announce an amazing coup. we have obtained through our network of Bothan spies , (many of whom gave their lives), extracts from the sixth and as yet unpublished Harry Potter book Despite top security , smug self satisfied children's author and Millionaire JK Scowling was unable to prevent us getting our grubby little mittens on a few choice pages. These we give to you our Ram It readers in the spirit of true magnanimous generosity we are so renowned for.

One thing to point out is due to intense complacency and the knowledge that any old shit churned out by a wealthy hack under the title Harry Potter will rake in the cash the prose has taken something of an "adult" turn. Though we are loath to do this - a warning , Kids this is NOT what you are looking for, don't go in there - it's full of rude words! (that should get em looking). Immerse yourself in a world of hurt?

Just Ram it Investigates Cowards , cowards and more damn cowards . That is the status of investigative journalism in this country these days. What Happened to the Roger Cooks of this world , who thought nothing of sweeping his hair boldly across his head, and taking a golf club to the torso, at pace, in order to expose a fraudulent mail order company.? Well we at Just Ram It are boldly taking up the sword of truth and in the tradition of Woodwood and Bernstein - well lets just say Wrong Doer's Beware. Go super sleuthing with Just Ram It?

Crazy Just Ram It June! Well Big Brother is on and we are so far succesfully avoiding it here at Just Ram it . long may it continue, it will be a stern test of gumption and every sinew of our moral fibre but we are up to the task.. So to assist in this and Celebrate the brief arrival of the Sun we are launching "crazy Ram It June" - with whole host of new gibberish to be launched. ...are you ready to get crazy?

Big Brother? Oh Mother! the continual popularity of reality television and especially big brother is causing me to develop a variety of physical and mental symptoms. These have included incoherent screaming, some bedwetting and an over whelming desire to physically attack passersby ...what can be done?